But wait what? Could it just be?

 

My first glimpse of hope

14 Oct 2021 - I went for another appointment and scan to see if the doctors could do a natural IVF cycle (this means no injections or medications, they will just keep scanning and seeing if my ovaries release any eggs on its own and if I get a thick endometrium lining on my own)

Mona, my lab technician who scanned me was such a Godsend. She assured me with such love & faith that my ovaries were beautiful - no fibroids, no cysts, and that I will conceive naturally. And then she said see - one beautiful follicle is right now there in my right ovary, and there was also another follicle that was ruptured (this is an absolute miracle as in all the scans I've had, they haven't seen a follicle like this). The doctor immediately scheduled me for an IUI the next day, my first ever.

I went back to office that day after this scan, just amazed at His miraculous work already taking place in me. From 0 to negligible follicles (eggs) to finding a really, really good one - I was like, could this just be? could this really, really be the sign of the beginning of the end of our wait? I began to scroll through my workplace's intranet, and I chanced upon their marketplace. Under the decor section, at random, I saw the most beautiful wooden keychain that instantly caught my eye, with a "name" on it that was confirmed to both of us (picture above) 

Truly, this is God saying, this is it. Right?

The next day came by, and my turn finally came up for my IUI. I for one hate any invasive procedure, so while I didn't particularly appreciate the speculum bit, what was special was when the procedure happened, I could hear the doctors and nurses praying in hope with me, and I was praying, claiming His goodness and His will be done.

15 Oct 2021 - My friend Sanjay said he has a dream of me in a car and our other friend Noel is driving me. I looked really happy and at peace. Sanjay's wife Berith said they looked up the meaning of Noel and one of the meanings they saw was the below - 

NOËL : A term signifying the holiday season, Noël comes to us from the Latin verb nasci, meaning “to be born.”

28 Oct 2021 - But soon after, two weeks passed by, and I got a negative pregnancy test. 

Oh well. 

As our loved ones prayed over us and spoke into our lives - we were clear on one thing - God and God alone, was going to get ALL the glory.

29 Oct 2021 - As always, God sends a word right after a tough day. I can always bank on Him to do that - how spoilt am I? :) My friend Debbie Mace comes to me with a word, and said she got it in July, but she wasn't sure how to approach me about a sensitive subject. But when she saw me that morning, she felt she had to tell me the word she got for me in July - 

6 July 2021

Julian Adam was praying saw pictures of the female reproduction system and though uterus. 

Thought of Susha. 

My ways are higher than your ways

My thoughts are higher than your thoughts 

As you sow, so shall you reap

I see a picture of a baby in the womb.

Trust me as you do my Father 

Believe and it shall happen 

No mountain is too high 

Valley too deep for the Lord. 

God is going to do a new thing in you Susha. 

I see you bejewelled dancing spinning with laughter.

Do not fear for I am your God. The Father of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. The One who went before you. The One who stands beside you. 

24 July 2021

I see a picture of a female standing holding a railing on a water edge.  I know it’s not me as she has dark hair. She’s wearing a peach ombré stroppy floaty tiered dress with a straw sun hat on her head. 

I cannot see who she is, then Susha comes into my mind. 

I then see a little teddy in her hand. She turns and smiles at me.

30 Oct 2021 -  We had a special prayer for my friend Cynthia's baby shower, and towards the end our friend Jessica prayed for Cynthia and declared in faith along with Cynthia and the girls that they would be sitting in a similar setting this coming year (2022) to pray over me at my baby shower. Feeling overwhelmed, a part of me wanted to hide, but hey, who am I to stand in the way of my sisters standing in the gap for both of us and declaring out our promises in faith? Thank you Jesus for this MASSIVE blessing.

4 Nov 2021 - My cousin in New Mexico, Texas sent me a message saying she had a dream she was babysitting our kids as we stepped out, and she woke up all happy. Then she got really specific and said she had the dream on Thursday, 28 Oct 2021 - the same day I got my negative pregnancy test result after my IUI. How infinitely is our God into the details. 

NO ONE can tell me I'm not on my Father's mind. 

How much He loves me. If anything, this journey spells it out for me every day.

We later had an epic ladies Christmas night at church, where we sang "The Blessing" song. My friend Caroline said she was singing and claiming it as a generation song for me.

I personally believe this song was released in this season for me, and THOUSANDS of other couples who are struggling with this chapter, the way we were. But as I journey along, trying to find my footing every day in moments of pain and sweet grace alone, I know deep within, my Father wants me to stand in the gap for these couples too, and claim, worship and bring heaven to earth. For them. For us.

The Blessing Song

The Lord bless you
And keep you
Make His face shine upon you
And be gracious to you
The Lord turn His
Face toward you
And give you peace

Amen, amen, amen
Amen, amen, amen

May His favor be upon you
And a thousand generations
And Your family and your children
And their children, and their children

May His presence go before you
And behind you, and beside you
All around you, and within you
He is with you, He is with you

In the morning, in the evening
In your coming, and your going
In your weeping, and rejoicing
He is for you, He is for you

He is for you, He is for you
He is for you, He is for you
He is for you, He is for you

Amen, amen, amen
Amen, amen, amen

Songwriters: Chris Brown / Steven Furtick / Cody Carnes / Kari Brooke Jobe