He formed me in my mother's womb, He knitted me, He makes no mistake.

 

When I saw this picture on an Instagram account many months ago, I took a screenshot of it, as I just felt comforted looking at it. I had no idea that it was almost prophetic and that I would look back at it many months later and actually see what He was showing me.

At the beginning of March 2022, I went and saw a new Doctor who came highly recommended to me. She heard my case history and was shocked at how I haven't done a few mandatory tests in the whole process. It was then she scanned me and couldn't, as hard as she tried, locate my left ovary. She tried for a while and then gave up, saying it could have stopped functioning. She then schedules me for a HSS test, to check if my fallopian tubes were fully open.

It was at this very moment, I lost it for a bit. 

I wanted to fight with God so bad, and hurt Him physically (I know, like I said I lost it temporarily :D) As I was hit with a mini wave of depression, I didn't want to hear scripture or a reminder of my promises anymore. I wanted to leave everyone, my solu, and my constant prayer army whose prayers that have been relentlessly going up, I felt the burden of. Though I'm not God and it's not in my hands to answer them, I truly felt the burden of it all and wanted to run far, far away.

I don't remember being this mad at God for a while. Through all the waiting, I never questioned Him why, just 'how much longer'. But I went from 0 to 100 during this episode. I almost pictured me hitting His chest sobbing why, why, why Lord? What are you trying to do and don't you know how much this hurts? Please stop this rollercoaster I'm on as I can't take the highs and lows of this journey anymore. 

I think I stayed that way for a few hours and then eventually came crawling back to Him shamelessly, licking my wounds. 

Let's face it. It REALLY sucks being at a place without Him. As much as I wanted to stay there longer, I think I came back to Him not because it was the "righteous" thing to do, but because I needed Him more than I needed a victory in my current journey.

As both of us navigated through this challenging chapter, I then arrived for my HSS test to check if my fallopian tubes were open (armed with verses, and prayers from my sister, mum & framily). The result was that my left tube was fully open but my left ovary still couldn't be seen, and that there were a couple of follicles in my right ovary, with my right tube being open but not as open as my left one, but hopefully this test would've pushed it to be fully open.

God then reminded me to see the picture that I had screenshot many months ago, and I saw His hands were healing and blessing the right ovary to give life (in this picture). I claimed this in my life, and I also know that I haven't been through this entire journey to only give up at the end, but it was also for Him to show what He can do for the person reading this, the impossible to become possible in ANY area of our lives. This is our faith that we profess. And I know it's yours too.