Hope...and the journey that is waiting - Part One of many :)

 

Promises Lyrics – Maverick City | Joe Barnes | Naomi Raine

[Verse 1]
God of Abraham,
You’re the God of Covenant
And Faithful Promises
Time and Time again
You have Proven
You’ll do just what you Say

[Verse 2]
God from Age to Age,
Though the Earth may Pass Away,
Your Word Remains the same
You’re History can Prove
There’s nothing You can’t do,
You’re Faithful and True

[Bridge]
{I put my Faith in Jesus
My Anchor to the Ground
My Hope and Firm Foundation
He’ll never let me down} [x4]
He’ll never let me down

[Pre-Chorus]
Though the Storms may come
And the Winds may Blow
I’ll remain Steadfast
And let my Heart learn
When you Speak a Word
It will come to Pass

[Chorus]
Great is your Faithfulness to me
Great is your Faithfulness to me
From the Rising Sun,
To the Setting same
I will Praise your Name
Great is your Faithfulness to me

This song became my anthem for this season.

Now why don't you make yourself a cuppa coffee or cocoa, whatever your heart desires, sit back, and allow me to take you on my journey so far, a journey with my Christ, so filled with His GRACE and MERCY (trust me I'm not throwing these two words in here just because it sounds good, but mean every letter of it) as I hop, skip, jump, fall, crawl my way getting to know Him as my healer and all sovereign God. 

Here is the timeline of my biggest journey so far, and my miracle(s) -

August 2019 - Our infertility journey was diagnosed at a clinic in India, and I was put on three months medication, for my very low AMH level of 0.15 (in layman's terms - this shows the state of one's ovarian reserve aka number of follicles/eggs). We were ultimately suggested to go for IVF. Both our parents prayed with us and said they will stand with us for a natural conception and a normal pregnancy.

October 2019 - I met a doctor at Aster in Doha, and she was stumped how I have such a low AMH level at an age of 33 (I had just turned 34 before this visit), and even asked me if I had any radiation/chemotherapy which could have affected my eggs - which was a hard no. She then referred me to Hamad Hospital for Infertility. After her referral, I leave her room heart-broken, and then unexpectedly and almost instantly bump into a girl called Asha, a friend's sister whom I hadn't seen for more than five years. She asks me what's wrong, and after I tell her a gist of why I was at the doctor's, she then continues to hug me and starts preaching at me to have faith of a mustard seed, and that God will come through (Angelic encounter 1). The nurse called my name for my blood test, and when I got back, she was gone.

October 24 2019 - I got a second result of my AMH, a staggering 0.05, which broke me even further. I cried it out with Solomon later that evening, who smiled and said "Hey baby, it's so low, it can only go up from here :D" We laughed so much after he said that. Clearly God gave me a partner whose jokes were on point for this journey 😛  

Later that Thursday evening, I was thankfully distracted as I had an epic pyjama night with my girls 💖

October 25 2019 - The next morning - on Friday, I told God in my head- "I'm not leaving church till you give me a sign that you have got this." 

I didn't get any sign through the amazing worship or word that I heard. Not through anyone I intentionally met. As I was leaving church, I stopped to get water. Right next to the water counter, I see an African lady standing outside the bathroom, holding the door from outside. I told her she could go inside to which she replied it is full. I then told her there are more bathrooms in this villa and I could take her there - she said yes please. As I led her down the coffee area, she stopped me midway - and in a surprising turn of events - puts her hand on my womb, and asked - Are you praying for the fruit of the womb? I broke down and told her why I broke down, and she said she is going to pray for me right then and there. And she started praying claiming His promises. She then prayed saying the doctor's report may say 0. something, but God's report is different! (I hadn't told her about the report I received the previous night). She then continued to pray over me and say "It is time to stop asking God, and it is time to start thanking God for what He is about to do." She then asked me my name, and when I asked her hers - she replied "Patience" (Angelic encounter 2)

I then get a message from a senior doctor in Hamad, that my first Infertility appointment is on April 23 2020 (a date which Sarah Jomon had mentioned to me, one of the times they prayed over us) (I will soon be adding a post on my raging, resilient, unwavering prayer warriors).

December 31 2019 - We have a New Year's prayer at home, where Solomon tells everyone he is going to wait on God to come through for us naturally. I didn't want to make such a declaration publicly, as the human side in me was like - you know your situation is difficult, and if we need to take the medical path for our miracle, we should be open to that. At that moment, I didn't say anything, and I prayed "God please honour Solu's child-like faith". Clearly he has the faith for this that I seem to lack on many occasions, in spite of my angelic encounters.

February 2020 - I go for a breakfast at my friend's house (someone who is going through a similar journey), and she pours me karak (chai) that her husband made. I don't usually have tea, but because it was so lovingly made and poured for me, I indulged. As I sip slowly from it, I see a very clear image form in the cup. It was a picture of a baby in the womb. I showed it to my friend, and I declared this miracle for both of us.

Then the pandemic hit. And my much-awaited IVF appointment became telephone consultations.

Month after month I got calls, but I couldn't see the doctors physically. I finally got my first face to face IVF consult appointment. It was 19 October 2021! When I told my friend about it later (the one whom I had breakfast with), she helped me get an earlier appointment - February 23 2021

If anyone is reading this and wondering why I waited so long for my appointments, it is because the system is flooded with women like me who need help, not at expensive private clinic rates, but at government hospital-subsidized rates, and with some of the best doctors in the country.

November 27 2020 - Our church had a virtual conference called 'Impact' which among many amazing speakers like Terry Virgo and RT Kendall, also featured the prophet Gary Morgan. Now there was a zoom session with Gary where more than 250 people joined, all of us expectant, and ready to be in awe of what God is showing Gary. 

After he spoke over the first person, he then called my name out.

Is it Susha? Susha Solomon?

Yes. 

God bless you guys. 

God bless you, Gary. It’s so good to see you after so long. Oh, Wow.

Well, so good to see you guys, too. God bless you. I think I'm just fantastic. Lord, thank you. 

Well, friend, I want to encourage you. It's been a tough season for you, it's been really tough. So I felt like the Lord just wants to encourage you that you're not grounded. You're not grounded. 

You're not grounded, but it's take off time, but it's not as you think. And I really feel like he wants to encourage you that even though you feel like you've been in this holding pattern and this feeling of, like, just going around, the Lord says it's time that there is a landing of confidence, and there is a taking off of courage, and the Lord's gonna give you this incredible sense of confidence and courage in your heart… it's been a tough nine to 10 months, and I felt like the Lord just wants to uplift your heart in this season.

The Lord is bringing healing. And I felt like the Lord just wants to give your stamina and your strength back.

I don't know if you've been dealing with sleep issues or fatigue issues, but I felt like the Lord just wants to give you the strength and there's place of rest, but you're going to be the busiest you've ever been, but it's going to be out of a place of rest, and I want to encourage you. It's rest. Rest. Rest. But it's not rest that's laying down.

It's rest that's running. I see you as a running rester, and I just hear that phrase. 

Solomon. And I feel like it's a double portion upon your name, and it's a double portion of wisdom. And I feel the wisdom that's coming to you is really on how to navigate something connected with family or something connected with your side of the family.

And I feel like if God's going to give you wisdom and navigating relationship and relational connection. And I feel like He wants to just bless you for your faith, for your faithfulness in really sticking the course in honoring and really been choosing to honor where really honor wasn't due. And I want to encourage you that for both of you. 

God is leading you into a place of double honour. He's leading you into a place of double portion.

He's leading you into a place of double expectancy and that which you feel has been taken away - God is saying, I'm restoring. I'm redeeming, I'm rectifying. And so I see that upon your life in this season in Jesus name, Amen. 

December 31 2020 - New Year's prayer at our place, and we claim His promises over our lives, the ones we have seen, and yet to see fulfilled.

January 1 2021 - We meet our core group - Annammo Cha, Noel Diana, and spend some time in prayer. Cha prayed over us, and as he hugged and kissed me, and then he said when I ask God, He gives. And He will give. Again, I love his declaration of child-like faith for us.

January 22 2021 - My friend Diana had a dream of our other friend (Sandy) being pregnant (and Sandy later announced that day that baby no.2 is on the way), after which she saw Solu hold our baby saying "this one takes time to sleep" with the indication of twins?, Diana giving birth at Hamad and Annammo with a child saying "this one looks just like Abigail" :)

January 23 2021 - Noel and Diana's friend Sunil (who is also a prophet) prayed with us over a call, and then prophesied saying both Diana and myself will be pregnant this coming season, and he saw an image of me at my baby shower (I had a flower garland on my head, and I knew that was on point as I have always wanted to wear one at my baby shower).

February 21 2021 - Swethachechi (my cousin) said she's been praying for us, and she said she showed her 3 year old son our wedding video and told him to pray for us, he then pointed to a picture of Jesus and then immediately folded his hands to pray. Chechi then told me when she saw him do that, she was sure a miracle was going to happen for us.

February 23 2021 - After much, much hindrance, I had my first-ever IVF appointment with a not so empathetic doctor.

After two appointments, and a week of self-administered injections, I went for my third appointment.

March 10 2021 - 

As I walked into the clinic, I asked God, how can I worship you today; He said today, you can worship me by trusting me.

He reminded me of Lazarus' story on how God, and only God can call life out of death, only He can call life out of what others declare dead.

9:35 am - I get the shattering news for the first time, the doctor said IVF will not work for us as my body isn't responding to medication. He suggested using an egg donor, or adopting as IVF isn't the route for us. I left the room telling him "Doctor, I serve a BIG God and He will do a miracle for me." The doctor dismissively said okay, in a manner where he implied okay crazy woman, whatever brings you peace.

At this moment, I won't lie, I broke down like my heart was shattered in a million pieces. It was not just any gynaecologist telling me I have an issue. It was a senior IVF specialist, supposedly one of the best in this field, in this country, telling me there is NO hope in IVF for us.

As I left his office heartbroken, I prayed - God where are you? You need to show up like you always do, now. You need to reassure me like you always do. Where are you?

9:55 am - I get a WhatsApp message from my friend Shobitha - "Hi guys how are you! I ran into your dad this morning at the hospital (in Bahrain), which reminded me, my sister had a dream/vision last week that you both were announcing your pregnancy. Do you have any news? As my sister has only met you twice, this is more of a vision than a dream." My heart I tell you. I was blown away, overwhelmed at the kindness of God, but also hurting mad after the morning news I had heard prior to this. I replied to Shobitha saying I don't have news right now, but I know I will have soon :)

When I saw Solomon, I broke down in his arms and we cried it out. That evening, we told our parents about what the doctor said how there was no hope medically for us for IVF, and after that, we all went into an impromptu session of singing, praising God and worshipping, and my sister preaching about how Jesus called Lazarus from the dead, and He will do the same for my womb. Our parents and both sides' siblings said they will continue to pray for us, and believe with us that our miracle(s) are coming.

April 2021 - My friend Cynthia then tells me that she is pregnant miraculously, against all hurdles (12 years I believe of having irregular to no cycles), but against all obstacles, they became pregnant naturally. As someone who had access to IVF, she held on to her faith that her God will see her through.

June 4 2021 - Sujit's image/vision of me pregnant; Solu has an image of us at Sujit Cynthia's baby dedication with me showing as pregnant.

June 23 2021 - Second IVF appointment with Dr. Thoraya (She is my friend's doctor, who called me and said she wants to try with me again by putting me on the highest IVF dosage). I started the highest dosage of injections (Gonal F and Menopur) for seven days. Two self-administered injections everyday, and on the seventh day - three injections.

June 24 2021 - I get a message from a friend and mentor in South Africa, who texted me randomly and said God has been putting me on her heart non-stop, and so she messaged me and prophesied locked areas to become unlocked and no more barrenness in my life. She had no idea I was undergoing IVF treatment. 

June 25 2021 - I see an image of myself pregnant on the couch, I also have a dream of hearing the baby's heartbeat.

After a week of the highest dosage of injections, 450 ml of hormones being pumped into my body, I go for my next scan.

June 30 2021 - Unfortunately, again, it's not good news, and Dr. Thoraya kindly advised me to stop treatment as my body again wasn't responding to medication.

This time, we felt much-less shattered. 

He is the God of all ages, and if God went all out to show me His promises are Yes and Amen, how could I doubt Him again? Yes, my faith isn't at a level where I want it to be, but it is still in copious amounts of a mustard seed, and five loaves and two fish :)

After all He showed me, my name, is part of His name - JE-SUS-HA. When I playfully asked God - what about my last two letters? He said  - That's Me (Christ) having the last laugh (HA) when the enemy's attacks/plans at me, at us foil. 

His promises truly are Yes and Amen 💝💖